Back Where He Started
by CyMpLi CoMpLeX
Summary: Remus, lost three of his best friends. He sits in the dark staring. So, is he back where he started? Before he attended Hogwarts, when he had not friends? The answer is no.


Remus Lupin sat there - in his room back at headquarters completely surrounded by darkness. Although it was impossible to read - he held a book in his hands. For how long had he sat there, he couldn't be sure.  
  
James was killed; Peter had betrayed them. And as for Sirius.  
  
All three of Remus' best friends had left him. He was back where he started - before Dumbledore had invited him to attend Hogwarts, before he had true friends.  
  
Just when Remus though Sirius had returned, he left again. Yes, Remus knew this will happen some day. He had seen so many people from the order die one by one. He knew that both he and Sirius might die but he never thought that day would come so quickly.  
  
Ever since Dumbledore forbid Sirius from leaving headquarters - or maybe even before that - Remus had known that Sirius' stubborn and loyal part of his personality would eventually lead to his downfall. Even though he had known, it was still came as quite a shock. But some how, Remus couldn't cry.  
  
His tears had all dried since he had first met his three friends. So isn't it logical that his tears should return now that his three friends have left? But no, not a single drop had left his eyes even when Sirius has left him for a second time. Actually, nothing had left his eyes even on that Halloween night fourteen years ago when he had lost all three of them within a single hour. Why? Probably the books were right, he was a werewolf - a heartless monster.  
  
For the entire night, Remus just sat there all alone just like he used to, before he set his foot on the Hogwarts Express. He remained entirely motionless, staring into his book remembering the time in the past, when both James and Sirius were still alive, when Peter was still loyal to them.  
  
There was a sudden knock on the door, breaking Remus from his trail of thoughts.  
  
"Remus," came Tonks' voice, "the meetings about to start."  
  
Remus strolled over to the door and opened it, revealing a rather worried looking Tonks.  
  
"Sorry I didn't go and visit you a St Mungo's." Remus said, quietly.  
  
"It's okay, I understand." She hesitated for a moment then said, "er - if you ever want to talk - I -"  
  
Remus smiled at her, as they made their way down to the kitchen. "Thank you, Nymphadora." Tonks frowned at this but made no comment.  
  
"You know," said Tonks, lowering her voice, as they passed by Mrs Black's portrait. "Even though she put a permanent sticking charm on the canvas, we could still try burning it."  
  
"I'll try tomorrow."  
  
As they stepped into the kitchen, instead of the usual "good evening", Remus was welcomed by many worried looks from members of the order. He smiled, sat down on his usual seat at the table and said politely, "Good evening." But instead of returns of the greeting, He was met by even more worried looks. Remus sighed. The same thing happened on the day after Halloween in 1981. They had probably expected him to burst into tears on the spot or some thing along those lines.  
  
After the meeting, many had asked him whether he was alright. Most had avoided mentioning Sirius's name. Dumbledore had even offered to lend Remus his pensieve.  
  
"No thanks, Professor Dumbledore, I prefer to keep my memory in my mind." In the corner of his eye, Remus saw Snape suddenly stop in his steps and glare at him.  
  
Dumbledore sighed, looking both tired and old and muttered "And old man's mistake." Dumbledore probably blamed himself for Sirius' death. But Remus knew that no one will ever blame Dumbledore. Every one makes mistakes, even a wise man like Dumbledore.  
  
Tonks slowly approached him and said, "Remus, were going to King's Cross tomorrow. You want to come?"  
  
"Yeah," growled Mad-eye, "we're going to have a word with his uncle"  
  
"You know, now that Sir - " Tonks stopped abruptly at Mrs. Weasley's disapproving glare.  
  
"It's okay Molly." Remus said, "Tonks, I'll go."  
  
"Remus," said Mrs Weasley sympathetically "I'm really sorry about Sirius."  
  
"No need to be sorry"  
  
"Remus, if you ever need to talk I'm always free" said Mrs. Weasley, "So is Tonks and Mad-eye." Tonks nodded and Mad-eye simply growled.  
  
"Thank you." Remus smiled. Though he had lost three of his best friends, he still had other people who cared about him. To say the truth, no one could ever replace Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs but at least, Remus was not back where he started, before he attended Hogwarts, when he was friendless. Because there are still people who care about him. 


End file.
